Fall Cravings

A list of 15 things:

relaxing near a warm fireplace
staying in bed just a few minutes longer
tea
pumpkin spice lattes
apple picking
baking with those apples
carving a pumpkin
roasted pumpkin seeds
thanksgiving
halloween
fresh squash & other vegetables
crock pot cooking- soups and stews
crisp air
leaves changing color
cute & comfy fall clothing

Kind over matter

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! Blogs have been blocked at work, so I can't post during lunch like I used to. We shall see if this changes soon. Here are a couple pieces seen on a site I love (I think I've mentioned this before): kindovermatter.blogspot.com Check it out!

Today's subject: Insecurity

picture from http://www.kindovermatter.blogspot.com/

I realize my blog posts have been more serious lately, and I promise to change that soon. But I like to write about what I'm really feeling, and not just put up random filler posts, and I hope you appreciate that.

So, have you ever heard the phrase similar to, "everyone was thinking it, but she's/he's the only one that said it." Sometimes I feel like that's me, the one saying "it"...and I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I think the issue is that I wear my emotions/feelings on my sleeve, and can always verbalize how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling it. It brings me back to childhood, with adults saying, "Use your words." I think I was good, and am good, at that. If someone asked me why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, my answer is never going to be, "I don't know." Because I always know.

I don't think I come off as an insecure person, and that's why it was sort of a shock for me to realize this weekend that I think I am in some respects. I think insecurity is a mood, in that it comes and goes. There are definite days where I feel on top of the world, and nothing is going to bring me down. There are days that aren't going so well, but I'm not feeling insecure. And then there are days, like Sunday, where I felt insecure. I blame Valentine's Day.

I'm really not materialistic at all. If you asked me what my prized possessions were, I'd say my computer, but only because it has all of my past and current work on it. Oh, and my external harddrive, because it has work on it too.... but other than that, I don't really care about anything I own very deeply. Granted, I feel blessed to own things like a tv, bed, artwork, etc etc...but I don't need them. So back to my point, this Valentine's Day, I felt like I NEEDED something from my boyf. to "prove" or "represent" or "show" (or whatever you want to say) his love for me, or our love for each other. And this, my friends, is stupid. I think it's the nature of some people to show-off what their significant other got them for the holiday- the flowers, the jewelry, the chocolates, etc. I don't blame them, they're probably just excited and happy afterall. But my point is, I got sucked into it. And when the stereotypical, uncreative gifts didn't come, I felt insecure.

I started questioning myself. I started questioning our relationship. And, because this is me were talking about, I started thinking intensely about my feelings. I realized that I need to stop comparing myself, my relationship, to others. It's not attractive, it's not healthy, and it just doesn't make sense. Though I will say, I think it's hard not to in cases like this weekend when relationships are being thrown into the spotlight. I also realized I need to be more secure with who I am, flaws and all, and trust that people will love me unconditionally. Or at least that the people that I truly need in my life will.

So I want to conclude this lesson with some pointers that I'm working on as well. This Valentine's Day season, or everyday really, remember to love yourself first and foremost. It's really important. Second, thoughfulness goes a long way. Chocolates get eaten, flowers die, but telling someone honestly how you feel about them, how they are important to you...and maybe following up with a hug (or a kiss), can have a lasting impact. I'm not saying the best way to combat the Hallmark holiday is to do nothing special. Moreover, I'm trying to say the best way to use the holiday is to have it be a reminder of what's really important. Lastly, be honest with your feelings. Sometimes I feel like my heart does a better job leading me through life than my brain. My heart knows the truth, while my brain gets me into trouble by thinking too much and overevaluating.

Sometimes it might be better to just Think with your heart.

Deserve versus need

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."

Proverb that was noted on one of my favorite blogs for quotes:
http://kindovermatter.blogspot.com/

This quotation made me do a double take because I've never really thought about situations like that. I'm very quick to duplicate the attitude I'm given- if people are being annoying, stupid, etc I tend to avoid and get annoyed.

I think I'm still trying to find myself in my twenties, and to find balance in my life. For example, do I want more friends, yes. But do I want to hang out with people who annoy me just to try and grow a friendship/stronger friendship, no. I'm all for being a social butterfly, but I've found myself enjoying the "me" time more.

Maybe it's just because our social group is on the small side, so it's easy to have more ups and more downs with people when they're around you all the time? That makes sense to me.

But I am in a good mood, happy these days looking forward to a fun February. I guess quotations like these just remind myself to be the better person, have patience (so hard!), and be a good friend.